Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night

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(716): View more from New York

Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday

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(315): View more from New York

He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.

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(432): View more from Texas

Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You can wear anything you want

(704): View more from North Carolina

So... Naked it is then

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(205): View more from Alabama

I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?

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