Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
