they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
