its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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