well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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