Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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