Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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