Farmville is her only friend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
