I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
