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• (650): View more from California

  sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.

  (415): View more from California

  we had.

  (650): View more from California

  well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Do they take checks?

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches

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• (813): View more from Florida

  A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.

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• (716): View more from New York

  roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.

  (406): View more from Montana

  I need an aspirin and some dignity.

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