dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
