Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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