That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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