he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
