I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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