I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
