I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
