Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
