Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
