Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
