I faked an abortion last night.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize