Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
