Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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