She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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