A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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