Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize