i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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