i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
