I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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