Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
