I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I love you.
Bad choice
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