hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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