WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
