Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
