The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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