look no pants
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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