Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
