Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it was like his penis was on wheels.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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