How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
