At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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