She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
