i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
