i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
