What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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