can we get nightvision for the apartment?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
