I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
