Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
