When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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