Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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