i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
