you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
