nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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