I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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