And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
