quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
