omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
