do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
