She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
