Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
