oh god the rape fog is back!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize