new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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