Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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