After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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