There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
