just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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