he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
