as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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