Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize