I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
