i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
