I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
