I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Randomize
