Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
