He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so let's talk penis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
