The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
