The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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