so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Small penises have feelings too.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
