Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
