then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
