I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
