If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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