I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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