it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize