I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
