he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
