Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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