so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
