I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
