if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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