Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You're completely useless in the revolution.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found puke in my bra..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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