ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
