You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
