Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
