Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
