some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
