she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
