They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
