and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
