Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize