She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
