I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
