im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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