I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
