you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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