i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
