my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
