We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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