Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
