Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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