I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
