they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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