The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
