I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You can't motorboat a personality
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
