U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
