just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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