Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
