new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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