the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
