you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
