We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
