I am puke
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
