First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
