I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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